This post brought to you by Bristol Palin and Oh! Calcutta

Ugh this pic doesn't even do them justice

When I heard today that Bristol Palin is going to be on Dancing With the Stars, I knew I had to honor the Palins immediately.  I needed to find an occasion to wear those shoes.

  I'm 5'9.  And so is Mr Incredible (height may or may not be his only un incredible characteristic.)  And what better place would I have to wear these than an Indian restaurant?  Where I can one up small Indian men two times with 1) my height 2) my thick (er?) Buffalo accent?  I bet Bristol felt like me, too.

Bristol are you feeling self conscious than your leg is bigger than his head?  Very relatable tonight, Bristol.  Very relatable.

Sarah, why do your legs look so much hotter than mine?:

and this pic DOES NOT DO MY LEGS JUSTICE.

One Oh! Calcutta martini (two parts liquor to one part pineapple juice to one part Indian cologne)

Indian waiter, "you get rose he get beel."

Do I have loose ends not tied up?  Have I made a complete thought throughout this whole post?  Sorry.  Oh! Calcutta.  and mr incredible's left over beer.  good. night.

Beef-a-reeno

This restaurant
plus

these horses standing outside of it
made me laugh out loud remembering this:

rusty!  no!

My Mahtha

After many years I am slowly coming to grips with Martha.  Martha Stewart that is.  My mom always made it very clear to me that Martha was a daughter hating, stock stealing know-it-all.  Which I heard as 'she makes gaudy crafts and has people who housekeep for her.'  And newstand Enquirer magazine covers told me that she doesn't rock a thong bathing suit very well.  Notice that "doesn't" doesn't mean "can't" or "won't" or "strongly advised not to."  All these thing made me steer clear of her.

Fast forward (rewind?) four years ago when I had expiring frequent flier miles.  Choose from the following: Martha Stewart living, Fishing, Golf, Southern Living.  Obvious.

Needless to say, I've fallen in love.  Martha, I love you and all of your turquoise orange stuff and crafts and print out lists and recipes and cookies of the day that I receive via email every single day.  And your paints!  oh, your paints, Martha!  I was in a bit of a white wall hell when you withdrew your line (maybe they withdrew the line from you) of paint from Lowes.  But you know that Home depot would pick up those pieces.

Today I was in celebratory retail therapy mode (again) (Mr Incredible's semester is over) at TJMaxx and I found Martha's cookbook for $12 from 50.  I don't know whether I should eat it or read it cover to cover or start baking feverishly.  Fat and furiously.

My little snowflake of respect for martha has now snowballed out of control.  Sure!  I'll make sesame cookies.  Sure!  I'll make nautical coasters.  Yes!  I'll hang up your must have for a laundry room list up in my laundry room.  Of course!  I will sweep the floor every night if you tell me to, Martha.  Actually I'll lick it for you.  What's your favorite Martha craft?  cookie?  list?

Let's talk Martha.

If you don't think this is disturbing, then you're disturbed.

Couldn't they just keep her innocent for a while longer?

Shiloh says that she wants to be an actress like mummy and daddy when she grows up.  So mummy and daddy are going to put her in acting lessons.  asdl;fajs

she's three you sicko parents.

I wanted to be a zookeeper when I was three and my three year old wants to be a good reader when she grows up.

So it's high time we look at pretty (handsome?) little Shiloh and lament.  Because Shiloh's mummy wanted her to be a boy gd, shiloh why can't you do anything right?!

St. Michael protect me from the voodoo that Angelina is about to cast on me.

Phase 2. Complete. Finally. Update*

*No Blogger, NO!  K, people, the pics didn't post correctly, so I just put up my day 0 and then now (day 60).   Oh boy this is getting confusing.

This picture right here is for you Mom, Dad, Mom's friends, Friend's Husbands and My Dignity:

Let's make this all clear.  I am not that type of person who would post my picture in a sports' bra, or a string bikini.  I simply wear a tank top, then roll it up.

I put this particular picture up to note 1) Mr Incredible takes notoriously bad pictures. 2) I look like Britney Spears being accosted by papps in a 7-11 with a bag of Doritos.  This would be the cover Star Magazine.  Or Globe. (global?  what's it called?)

Measurements are what I've lost from day 0-60, then from 30-60.  Brain Energy, k?

Weight: -10 pounds, -6 pounds

Chest: -2 1/2, 0

Waist: -3 1/2in, -1 1/4in

Hips: -3 1/2 in, -3 1/2 in

Rt thigh: -2 3/4in, -1/2 in

Lf thigh: -2 3/4 in, -1/2 in

Rt arm: -1 1/4 in, +1/4

Lt arm: -3/4 in, 0

K so on to the pictures:  This is even confusing to me.  So first picture per line is Day 0 Day 30 then Day 60.  With me?  So the white tank top is most recent.

And lastly, the diet.  We are not trying to follow the p90x part, but we've both just been eating much better.  Less carbs and sweets, and normal people filling foods.

My motivation is lacking like WHOA.  I'm kinda ready to be done.

I've been substituting in runs and swimming instead of doing the cardio videos.  I feel better after running outside, or swimming than staying inside my house do The Cardio/Kenpo video.  Again.

So there you have it, my promised people.  Encourage me for the last 30 days, k?

Opinions are like....uhh... Bellybuttons

I'm not one to quickly give my opinions on topics.  I usually like to take in all sides and make a well thought out, educated decision.

However, these two things bothered me from the second I saw/read them until now:

First: Eva Longoria Parker opened up a nightclub in Las Vegas called Eve.  What I (think) I read from Us Weekly is that she hires midgets to dress up as Oompa Loompas.  I just read that no, not the case.  The Oompa Loompas were just hired for the party.  Hiring midgets to paint their faces orange to go to a party as an accessory?  twisted. (I know that's not ELP but AnnaLynn McCord was there)


Second:  Understand that I know that no one hearts the Duggars.  But I read the article about them in People and a Dr SoandSo says that have that many children in is irresponsible because they cannot give the financial and emotional support that each child needs.  !  My ass.
a) the Duggars have ZERO DEBT.  more than I can say.
b  Those children will have more love and security than most.  I'm sure Dr SoandSo wanted one boy and one girl and he probably shoved them out the door to Day Care at 6 weeks so he could provide a beach house AND seasons tickets to Six Flags AND and awesome house with a house cleaner that no one ever sees because no one is ever home.

So instead of all the criticism (because everyone is jealous that the Duggars got famous by having tons of kids and they didn't... although- how DID Andy Milanakos do it?  you know, "I've got a pea on my head but don't call me a pea head."?)  (And I do realize that I just criticized Eva and the Doc) why can't we all just say, "Jim Bob Duggar, you're a sweet talkin' machine."  ??

So there.  Glad I got that off my chest.