That was a Hell of a Hump

Wowzers those last few posts (apart from the Koreans) left this blog in ill standing.  Well to me, anyway.  I really have no interest in reading the last few posts.  Actually I never have any interest in reading any of the previous posts.  They make my blush and feel nauseous.  Don't know why I'm the author of a blog.

I'm on the up and up, finally.  I've overcome my quick bout of Depersonalization Disorder (thank you Kim Iverson and Casey Anthony for putting a name to my mind/body disconnect.)  I can once again formulate thoughts, articulate feelings, and listen to people without feeling like I'm in an underwater dream.

And then come apologies.  Please excuse me, friends and family for the repeated questions, nonsensical answers, and overall DPD.  I'm sorry to my faithful readers for nary an update, and I apologize to myself for losing about 20 followers and all my readers along the way.

So let's get back to the good ol' days.  Nothing says I'm back to my old self like a few obscure linkups (trying to open my own Etsy shop, here.  Gotta use benefactors where I can find them.)

We're getting a new roof soon, with the lowest estimate at $10,000.  Ten thousand dollars.  ching chong rashem.  Homesecurity greatfalls can be a b$&%^.  But since there always is that silver lining, we can think, ha!  maybe we'll get cable!  www.localtv-satellite.com  If they'll be on the roof anyway we might as well get some sort of entertainment out of it.  (doubt it.  I'd rather shop with the extra $90 a month.)

Other than that, I don't know what to update you with.  But let me leave you with this, my fellow blog people.  I'm gaining weight and for once in my life I don't care.  Dare I say, I'm embracing it.  We'll talk more about that later.  But for now, I have freshly baked cookies awaiting me.

DUNH DUHN DUNH another one bites the dust.

And so the day has come.  As inevitable as taxes.  My Ford Windstar with two hubcaps has bit the dust.  After thousands of dollars and hundreds of thousands of miles, here we are, homebound.  I really don't mind being homebound, it's kind of a nice excuse to stay home and rearrange rooms.  

But remember how we refinanced?  Well we can't get a new car until our refinancing goes through.  Probably in a few weeks. But why not go a few weeks more and cushion some money if we already have to wait?  So here we'll be.  Unless we cram ourselves into Mr Incredible's tiny tiny car.

And what type of car should we get?  I would love a Traverse.  But that's out of the budget.  (what budget?)  It's probably between a Swagger Wagon and a Honda Odyssey.  Or really anything big.

So let's all take a moment of silence for big green van.

Thank you.

And my foundation will be sturdier

If my posts turn into one word sentences, or I just stop posting all together, call 911.  Since I feel like I'm up to my neck in germs, I'm taking matter into my own hands and fumigating the house with bleach.  It's my only choice because our BASEMENT FLOODED AGAIN.  I am a powerless creature relying heavily on Roto Rooter, bleach and the blessing of BFI trucks.  Thank you, garbage men, for taking all of my soiled (think same word usage as in a hospital, nursing home etc), wet goods every Monday morning.

Roto Rooter man is downstairs in my basement replacing my sump pump again (in less than a month) saying things like "Some things to tackle," and "your work cut out for you" and "$4,000- $5,000."  We have another plumber coming to give us an estimate on the $1,800 fix in the next "few hours."  (you get why that's in quotes, don't you?)  And soon we'll have a FOUNDATION man coming within the next day because we need a new foundation or some crazy jazz because soil and sand is "weeping" through holes that the previous owner drilled in the ground.  Hence our sump pump dies every time it rains.

So I'm left with approximately 4 brain cells, the power of prayer and my fist beating my chest "O Domine, Miserere, O Domine Miserere, Iesu Christe, Miserere"

My spring cleaning is more thorough than you-ourrrrrs

Did anyone else get those torrential down pouring (more like side pouring) rains a few days ago?  We did.  And boy, was it shitty.  Pun intended.  Lot's of pun intended.

Rain is like an erratic teenager.  So much potential to be so good, but even more potential to be devastating.    So much good comes from it, yet so much damage can be done.  Mama don't know whether to love im or hate im.

Last month we got a notable amount of rain and our sump pump went kaput on us.  There was flooding in our basement, we had to throw out some of the girls' toys, but really the dehumidifier took care of us.  Probably not the correct way to go about a mini flood, but it turned out fine.  $500 dollars later and a new sump, I thought we were in the clear.  I was wrong.

Most of the rain that came (in our most recent storm) was during the night.  When I woke up first thing in the morning to get Mr Incredible's scrubs out of the drier, there was ankle deep water in about half of out basement.  Psh, a little rain water never hurt anyone.  So I waded through it, shook off my wet feet, went back upstairs to tell Mr Incredible that we were flooded.  again. and worse.  Hung up my pants to dry because why would I wash them?  just a little rain water on the bottoms.  We called the plumbers again, thinking maybe?? it was a faulty sump, even though I could hear it still running still.  The plumber came (8 hours after they estimated) and couldn't figure it out.  Next morning they sent another plumber to figure it out.  I was (still) barefoot and was (still) wearing these:

the said pants that air dried then I slept nice and cozy in bed with them the next night.

K, really bad picture from two years ago.  But they're wonderful girly dandelions blowing in the breeze pajamas.  sigh.  So glorious.

So I'm downstairs in the basement with the plumber and I picked up a few toys off the ground to put them on a shelf as he was saying something along the lines of "eureka! I've got it."  .....  "don't pick up anything else without gloves on, k?"  ....  "You're basement has been flooding with sewage.  Your town is notorious for this."  .....

me: "you mean I'm stepping in my...."

him: "and your neighbors..."

ARE THE DOT DOT DOTS AS LOUD TO YOU AS THEY ARE TO ME TYPING THEM?  

All my dominoes fell into place and it made sense.  My basement was smelling like a bad gastric blowout that you find only on porta potty walls.  The first day I went into the basement I was sliding around.  Ya know, the same feeling as stepping on the bottom of a duck infested pooped pond.  All my white to-be-washed pile of towels developed brown rings around them. 

ARE YOU NAUSEOUS YET?  ARE YOU NAUSEOUS YET?  My jaw is tight just typing this.  My toes were squishing in not just our OWN fecal matter, but my geriatric neighbors, too.  Prune juice, laxatives and grapefruit.

So this is what I've been doing, friends.  Double gloving it, throwing out anything that cannot handle concentrated bleach, moving furniture, washing washing washing, Xacto knifing our carpet, bringing dripping poop laden carpets, toys, garbage upstairs.  This is what I'm doing.

Please don't never return back to my blog because I wrote a poop post.  This was such an exception and I pray that I'll never have write anything as nauseating again.

Did I mention that to get this fixed is an estimate $1,800??  As in I have a van with missing hubcaps can't we please start saving for a new one?  No, we need to make sure poop will never backwash into my house again.  Me thinks I need to learn the bus route.

Purging

AHHH spring time:

• decluttering
• cleaning screens
• wiping of nose smudges
• going through clothes
• giving tons away
• airing out rooms
• shaking out rugs
• putting away vanilla scents
• taking out lavendar
• buying new vacuum bags
• making grilled pizzas
• Tom Petty

... those are on my to do list, anyway.

I can honestly say I've done 5 of the 12.  Not bad.

Oh, and cleaning out the car.  like whoa.

What's black and red and all over my house?

Oh, just the bane of my existence.  Called ladybugs.  Everywhere.

If you think this is cute, or funny, or you're just apathetic, you're wrong wrong wrong.  And I think you need to go to therapy because that is MESSED up if you don't mind ladybugs crawling everywhere.  I'll tell you where they are-  they're on the chair I'm sitting in and they're on our backdoor and windows and walls walls walls (sorry if this is turning into a children's book book book)

I've always hated bugs.  Any. sort. of. bug.  But imagine the day that I found out that not only do ladybugs crawl around and have antennae, but they FLY too?  That took away the 9% in me that might've been able to stand them.

And THEN imagine me in high school wondering why it was so dark in the hallways, just to realize that it was because ladybugs were infesting the windows to such a degree that it wouldn't let light in.  Sick Sick Sick.

To make matters that much worse, imagine having three girls (one of which does not care) and the other two scared of the damn insects and wanting ME to take care of the problem.  I'm not sure what's worse- having bugs around or trying to smush them.

"I don't want the ladybugs to get me"
"ladybugs won't get you"
"I sceered of ladybugs"
"No reason to be scared of ladybu... EEHHAHHHHHHHH!" as a ladybug flies towards my face.

what's the secret to ridding these nasty (but cute looking) creatures?

eh, at least they're not centipedes.

i won't disgrace you with a nasty picture. 

Airing his dirty kitchen

I'm fantastically excited about our kitchen project that is going to be happening soon.  We're getting it redone!  For a while we were thinking that maybe we could do a family fun redo ourselves.  That is until I heard the horror stories of it.
When we bought our house, the kitchen was the one FAIL. of it:

and the wallpaper and curtains and liquor bottles strewn throughout the house and the stench of dog and the monkeys and cougars in the master bedroom and the mirrored wall and candles and wax (sex freak?  maybe).  But all those things are quick fixes.  (this picture is from the inspection.  NOT our mess.  My mess is less red checked washcloths and much more fingerpaints.  and Us Weeklys.  and protein bars)

So we're having a kitchen guy come on Monday to pick our brains.  I'll probably pick his more.

Is there anything you love/would change about your kitchen?  What do you think is a MUST for a kitchen?  Let me know your suggestions!  I've got to get my gears in motion!

My Unfinished Dining Room

This past weekend my Mother in Law came to paint (and for Littley's baptism).  This was our dining room before any projects:  (ew.)

Then Mr. Incredible put up (with the assistance of my brother) crown moulding:  (isn't he incredible?)

Then he put up shadow boxes (appliques?) and my MIL painted the whole room.  !  Hurrah! 

The color doesn't look like the above though.  It looks too blue in the picture.  The picture below was the inspiration, and this is what are walls truly look like:

(via martha)

the color we chose is called Gypsy Teal, and the crown moulding and chair rail and below is called Churchill Hotel Lace.  (such pretty names, huh?)

Now I just need to hang pictures, curtains, get a rug, new light (did I really say 'just?').  Stay tuned.

My Package

Mr. Incredible has warned me to not open any packages that came this week.  (Think Christmas)  We have a lot of packages coming this week.  But really.  This package came:

from Estonia?  Stamps I've never seen, words I don't recognize.  Ha.  I opened it.  pandora.

Mr. Incredible was becoming more impressive by the second.  It was tied with a leather string.

Oh wait.  no.  It was my honey spinner!  It is truly one of a kind.  By Nature Design.  On Etsy.

Give This a Whirl

Let's see if I single handedly defeated google:
 

These are the curtains I want for my dining room (of course they don't have the length I need).  I don't know what colors to paint the walls.  (We have crown moulding and a chair rail, so I'm thinking two toned.)  Mr. Incredible tells me to decorate as my heart desires.  Until he sees my curtain selection.  

These are the curtains he likes (cept he like them in blueish silver).  I can deal if I can have them in this color.  Mostly because I want a cold room- maybe gray and/or peacock blue.  But I do want something warm in the room.  


I'm a bit on edge about this whole ordeal because my Mother in Law is coming on Friday to paint the dining room.  I have to choose by Friday.  Help me you design savvy people!  Help!  Opinions on curtains, colors, decor!  helllllppp meeeeee


booya google.  i destroyed you and now i will do as i please

Front Porch Swing

One of the things I've been obsessing about this whole summer is that swing. It stayed with the house we bought. I wasn't sure if I wanted to stain it, make cushions, order cushions, paint it (what color?). So the summer passed by with a dehydrated looking front porch. I finally decided to do something, anything to it. We had primer, we had outdoor paint. Isn't Mr. Incredible great?

Even though it looks a little boring still, I don't mind waiting to find some pretty pillows or even a throw for next year. I'm just excited it looks so much better!

Black Floors

My most recent obsession is ebony wood floors. We haven't started decorating either the living or dining rooms yet (we just moved here in April) and I think that the floors would be a good place to start. I don't just want dark floors, I want black floors. My first idea was to just paint them black. Mr. Incredible wasn't as fond of the idea as I was. Actually he just might've thought it was kinda dumb. I hadn't consider staining. He ith tho thmart.

Here are the floors we have now (I never said they were bad...)

and wouldn't black floors look great with that shag rug?

This picture is close to my liking, but is still more brown than black.

I love this floor, although the picture doesn't offer very much of it to enjoy.

O at Home

Word on the street is that the darker your floor, the more cleaning. 3 words:

I. ain't. scared.

Not only do I just want the black floors, I also want to turn our living room into a library.

Stay tuned, I'll keep you posted on all of my above dreams. I guess I'd better start doing some research.