Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I'm a self proclaimed martyr




Today was the kind of day that feels like I was stuck in sludge.  Woke up tired, drank coffee, brought clan to baby's checkup appointment, went to my mom's to play, came home to play, ate hotdog, ate hotdog again, had unsuccessful naps, self consciously yelled, decided I needed to get my shit together.  Again.  And what better way to do that than to walk to the grocery store with all three kids?  None.

Imagine: Me wearing dangley earrings (not relevant, just adding to the absurdity), skinny jeans, Gap zebra flats and the Moby wrap with (overtired) baby in it.  While pushing the double stroller with three year old in back and two year old in front.  Get it?  Good.  Now imagine me pushing the said 100 extra pounds uphill there and back with the wind against me.  On two major roads, crossing streets, major parking lots.  I don't know why I thought this was a good idea.  But by golly, kids, we'll have fun.

We get to Wegmans and I realize that I can't really buy that much stuff because a) I can't push a stroller and cart at the same time b) I'll have to carry it all home.  With 100 pounds of kids, uphill, wind against me.  And skinny jeans.

So I buy the regular basics (yogurt, produce, pasta).  I put the heavier (oldest) kid in front to weigh down the groceries that were going to be hanging off the handles in the back (with me?) so I could put the two year old in the Moby and lay baby down in the second stroller seat so she could sleep.  Hope you read that slowly.  Smart thinking!  Now the stroller won't tip over backwards!

I'm walking walking through this large large VERY large parking lot all the while getting crazy stares from people in cars.  But I held my head up high like you, Mrs Duggar.  Baby is crying because she's so sleepy. Blisters are forming on my feet and two year old says she wants to get down and walk.  So I ask three year old (in front seat.  Don't you remember that?  gee whilickers) if she wants to go in the Moby.  She says yes.  Baby just fell asleep.  Three year old hops out of the stroller so I can tuck her away like a baby kangaroo.  And oh shit i forgot that the groceries are still hanging on the back of the stroller with the baby in the second seat sleeping and not buckled in.  And on this very busy intersection the stroller tips backwards, baby wakes up, I'm afraid she has brain trauma (she doesn't, the groceries saved her little head).  I put crying baby in Moby and the other two walked the rest of the way home with me.  And I let them put candy in their yogurt for dinner.  

Would I do this again?  Of course!  It was so much fun.  Of course I wouldn't wear skinny jeans and would buckle baby in next time, but other than that, YES!  I would.  Because let's be honest.  Who doesn't like to play the martyr card?

14 comments:

  1. I'm seriously laughing out loud right now!!

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  2. Wegmans? Within walking distance? If there's a grocery store in Heaven, Wegmans will be mine. We would drive waaay off campus just to go there. Memories...

    Glad you all made it back ok :)

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  3. This is so fabulous on so many levels...but mostly because I can TOTALLY see me trying to pull it off (WITH the dangly earrings and ballet flats. And probably with some sort of absurd straw cowboy hat. Congratulations on getting your Martyr Mom Club card. You definitely earned it. Next week, I expect you to run out of gas on purpose and walk with all 3 kids to the nearest gas station that is not a BP, Shell, or Chevron.

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  4. i think i had a mini anxiety attack just reading that!

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  5. This is too funny! I am envisioning this as something I would do for sure!!! I admire your creativity with your child placement on the way home!! Good thing there was no head trauma to any parties involved!

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  6. ROFL! I'm glad there were no injurys and I applaude you for even attempting this!

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  7. I love your reference to Mrs. Duggar haha! Shopping isn't hard for her though...she has the older "buddies" to take care of the babies.

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  8. You are definately brave. I've done it with 2 but not 3.

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  9. I'd never EVER let your husband forget this. :)

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  10. This is hilarious! Glad there were no injuries. I am imagining myself as a mom someday doing the same thing, dangly earrings and all.

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  11. As soon as you said groceries on the back I foresaw the disaster. This is absolutely something I would do. I'm glad no one got hurt. I also think it's interesting that people stared, but no one stopped to help you. Jerks!

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  12. LOL!!!! That's hysterical. I think you have to create your own adventures in life. Though I'm sure you questioned yourself a few times on that shopping excursion, think of the great laugh you'll have one day with your children when you recount this story :)

    I agree with Shana--I can't believe NO ONE STOPPED TO LEND A HAND!!! Sheeeeeesh...

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  13. at least u looked fierce doin it!

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  14. Wow, do I need to quit complaining about how the dude is running me ragged. Ah ha ha. But he IS a boy. They're WILD!

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