There's a fungus among us (but I decided to blog about something else)

I'm tired.  Have I ever mentioned that before?  I don't complete full sentences, thoughts, really anything other than appetite, when I'm this tired.

Have you ever read design interior blogs when you're tired?  Gone to TJMaxx when you're tired?  Tried ordering off the dollar menu?  Decided between an ice cream sandwich and York mint patty?  (I ate both plus another york mint patty.  the big ones.)  Gone to AAA to rent a van with all four hubcaps?  DMV?

So now I'm tired an anxiety ridden.  I'm not good enough and AAA and DMV employees have successfully made me feel inadequate and have left me wondering if my children are in fact comparable to ferrets.  (So I didn't brush their hair today!!!!!)  Most importantly, I'm frantically calling, emailing, scouring craigslist for a dresser like this:
(mind you I'm not trying to get a new bedroom furniture sets.  This is for our living room/den)

to turn into this:

via

and I want to turn this:

 

into this:

via

Oh the list could go on.  

Thank GOD I'M GOING ON VACATION TOMORROW.

Hopefully I'll come back Monday (oh, whatever, it's a long weekend.  I call them vacations) with wonderful pictures and stories and the best Irish tan you ever did see.  

See you thennnnnnn.  <3 <3 <3  

(the mere thought of vacation and my fingers just typed 790 words per minute.)

My Mahtha

After many years I am slowly coming to grips with Martha.  Martha Stewart that is.  My mom always made it very clear to me that Martha was a daughter hating, stock stealing know-it-all.  Which I heard as 'she makes gaudy crafts and has people who housekeep for her.'  And newstand Enquirer magazine covers told me that she doesn't rock a thong bathing suit very well.  Notice that "doesn't" doesn't mean "can't" or "won't" or "strongly advised not to."  All these thing made me steer clear of her.

Fast forward (rewind?) four years ago when I had expiring frequent flier miles.  Choose from the following: Martha Stewart living, Fishing, Golf, Southern Living.  Obvious.

Needless to say, I've fallen in love.  Martha, I love you and all of your turquoise orange stuff and crafts and print out lists and recipes and cookies of the day that I receive via email every single day.  And your paints!  oh, your paints, Martha!  I was in a bit of a white wall hell when you withdrew your line (maybe they withdrew the line from you) of paint from Lowes.  But you know that Home depot would pick up those pieces.

Today I was in celebratory retail therapy mode (again) (Mr Incredible's semester is over) at TJMaxx and I found Martha's cookbook for $12 from 50.  I don't know whether I should eat it or read it cover to cover or start baking feverishly.  Fat and furiously.

My little snowflake of respect for martha has now snowballed out of control.  Sure!  I'll make sesame cookies.  Sure!  I'll make nautical coasters.  Yes!  I'll hang up your must have for a laundry room list up in my laundry room.  Of course!  I will sweep the floor every night if you tell me to, Martha.  Actually I'll lick it for you.  What's your favorite Martha craft?  cookie?  list?

Let's talk Martha.

Bugs down, bottoms up

First off, please stop being stubborn and enter the giveaway!  Last chance!

*****

I think I've hurdled the hump of gardening.  I've never been a gardener, but always wished that I was.  My dad has a great garden with tomatoes and onions and carrots and strawberries and a peach tree- and that's just mentioning the edible stuff.  His flowers and bushes are beautiful and he and my mom put in lots of time and effort for their garden.  I always imagined that is how owning a home would be for me too.  (cut Somewhere Over the Rainbow)  We have deer that eat anything other than hydrangeas and some other flower that I forget, the plants that I try to raise die, and most importantly I've always been afraid of bugs.  My summertime punishment growing up was to weed the garden.  Being afraid of bugs made that job hell.  Deep sea diving with sharks sans cage sounded better.  (not that it was an option)

So I'm still on that faux homeschooling mother earth is wondaful mom kick.  Which means the girls and I are outside a lot; which means I'm trying to point out the extraordinary in the ordinary; which means I kinda semi have to get down and dirty; which means BUGS.  Ants are the only things that are okay.  Butterflies are OUT so don't mention it.  One is fluttering by you and you think, okay, I'll dodge it and go to the left and vroom it goes to the left and then you're like, oh 'scuse me, I'll go to the right and bam they're aiming for your face then you're like OH SHIT EVERYONE HIT THE DECK and that's when it decides to land on that beautiful butterfly infested lilac bush right outside your front door.  They all get scared and you realize you're in butterfly hell because now they're all flying in everywhichway direction and really all butterflies are are really juicy hairy caterpillars that fly.  And you know how insects can manage to squeeze through anything well you can only imagine Oh! The Places They'll go! like up or down your pants.

So like I was saying I've had to act brave and courageous around all creatures of God so my girls may not end up as neurotic as I.  Lo and behold, it worked!  Acting courageous made me courageous.  So today I confidently put on my new (read: what I bought last year and never opened) gardening gloves and started pulling weeds like they was nobody biznit.

My next hurdle: Overcoming the inevitable 'initiation to motherhood' pose:

What I've been up to

We've established that I've been royally annoyed with Blogger, no?  In all actuality, that's only about 70% of my excuse as to why I haven't been blogging.  The other 30% is called 'different creative outlet.'  Correct.  I am only able to handle one creative outlet at a time.  Further proving that I'm not naturally creative.  E for effort though.

So anyway.  You know how I go through those "I'm a sucky mom!"  "I'm a hands on mom!" kicks?  Well she's at it again, folks.  This time it's more like "I'm an all natural faux homeschooling mom who only participates in all things warm, fuzzy and mother earth-ish."

The fruits of my labor:

JA!  How cute is he?!  Please realize that this is my first Waldorf (or any other type, for that matter) doll and I'm hooked.  So hopefully my future dolls will look less like they've just had their wisdom teeth out and more like this (this is what I was going to use for Wordless Wednesday...):

no, wait, maybe they are very similar.  My babies are very fat.  Very Fat.  And I like to dress them as close to a fat Buffalo Jills as possible.  OH that's a joke.  That outfit was painted on her.

So back to the dolls.  My friend taught me how to make the heads, which are the hardest part.  Then I stumbled on this site which gives free tutorials et cetera.  I'm so excited to make dolls for our doll house, and more little snuggly dolls.  WHO KNOWS.  Maybe I'll get good enough to actually sell these little beauties!?

The morning after I finished my doll my three year old came in and woke me up and said, "mommy!  I love my doll!"  uh, super cute and Mr Incredible shed a tear or two.  Don't tell him I said that.

this one goes for $125 on Etsy.  I will be a millionaire.  

Lastly, my parent's are away for the weekend at the Sheep and Wool convention in Baltimore.  a) they're picking me up so high quality doll hair wool stuff b) I'm not kidding.  They took a plane.  

I'll post more pics of my up and coming dolls, and hopefully some with hair, too.  Because you carrrrre.

  pps Mr Incredible already told me that his body is disproportionate to his head.  Thanks anyway!

If you're an Irish, Food Loving, Chocoholic and maybe Alcoholic

You know what I'm doing today.  But if you're not as brave/irish as I, you can sit inside and enjoy watching the rain and heck maybe even light a fire.  If this is what you do, do me a favor and make AT LEAST one of the following.  Your taste buds will be eternally grateful and your hips will forever shake their fists at me.

1. Irish Cream Brownies (your hips will just shake its head sadly at you, not shake its fists because these are from Cooking Light.)(warning that I choose not to follow: Cooking Light recipes are only beneficial if you don't eat the whole pan.)


1 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt 
1/3 cup semisweet chocolate chips
1/4 cup butter 
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup egg substitute (or 1 egg+1 egg white)
1/4 cup Baileys Irish Cream
1 tsp vanilla
Cooking spray


1. preheat oven to 350
2. Lightly spoon flour into a dry measuring cup, level with a knife.  Combine flour, cocoa, baking soda and salt in a small bowl, stirring with a whisk.
3. Place chocolate chips and butter in a large microwave safe bowl.  Microwave on high 1 1/2 minutes or until chocolate chips and butter melts, stirring every 30 seconds.  Cool slightly.  Add sugar and next three ingredients, stirring well with a whisk.  Microwave on high until sugar dissolves, stirring every 30 seconds.  Fold in the flour mixture, stirring just until moist.  Spread batter in a thin layer in a square 9 inch baking pan coated with cooking spray.   Bake at 350 for 20 minutes or until wooden toothpick comes out almost clean.  Cool on wire rack.  
(16 servings) 145 calories 5 grams fat, 1 gram of fiber   (or you can just eat the pan and water and carrot sticks and call it a day.)


2. Irish Snugglers
Hot cocoa (or coffee just in case you think saving 70 extra calories is worth it)
1 shot Baileys
1 shot Kahlua
1/2 shot Peppermint Schnapps
Whipped cream.  NOT cool whip, please for the love of everything green, just use whipped cream


put in mug and enjoy

3. Irish Car Bomb

3/4 pint Guinness® stout

1/2 shot Bailey's® Irish cream
1/2 shot Jameson® Irish whiskey

Add the Bailey's and Jameson to a shot glass, layering the Bailey's on the bottom. Pour the Guinness into a pint glass or beer mug 3/4 of the way full and let settle. Drop the shot glass into the Guinness and chug. If you don't drink it fast enough it will curdle and increasingly taste worse.

hands on

I've fallen into the slippery slope of reading everyone's blogs instead of writing on my own.  Damn you, Google Reader!  I'm a creature of habit and when things change I typically take the road mostly traveled.

So what have I been up to, you ask?  Well, I'm putting in 140% awesome mom right now.  I had this kick in the face realization that this is what I've got.  This is their one and only childhood in my hands.  Tv can wait, facebook can, frantically cleaning the house just because can kiss me arse.  Hells.  Even the Office and The Mentalist can wait.

I've decided that we need to do more story time (recommended is 20 minutes a day- not as easy as it sounds), more crafts, more hands on, more outside, more library, more friends.  In fewer words, I had to pull my shit together.  So that's exactly what we've been doing.

I paid my $110.86 fee to the library.  That's right.  And was it bittersweet or what? stop judging me.  now.  We have been reading a lot of books.

We've been doing lots of crafts.  We made those bird feeders with toilet paper rolls and peanut butter and bird seed.  We hung them up on our snowman's arms with pipe cleaners.  Unfortunately I didn't foresee our family of deer and their extended relatives eating them.  Come spring I hopefully will not find dead deer in our yard with perforated bowels.  (Why is it that pipe cleaners are the staple to children's crafts, yet really all they are is fuzzy stuff wrapped around really sharp wire?)


We made these little pretzel snowmen.  I swore up and down that they would not tempt me no matter how hungry I was.  ha.  wrong.  I ate every last one of these M effers.  oh, in two hours.

Funny thing about this is I seem to have more hours in the day, the house is more effortlessly tidier, everyone is happy.  One of those phenomenons.

Control Freak

To note:  I hated my last post so much I lost sleep last night.  It was a terrible night of tossing, turning, delete, or save.  Truth be told.  

KNOCK KNOCK

who's there?

CONTROL FREAK

control fr....

NOW YOU SAY "CONTROL FREAK WHO?"

why. Why. WHY

Blow up lawn decorations, friends, are a CRYING SHAME.  Our neighbors have a blow up for every occasion.  This is serious.  Especially since we are on just this side of town borders.  Right now they have a New Year Baby.  Before that was Santa, before that was Turkey, before that was Skulls, before that was Birthday cake.  They also have a life size stuffed dog that they keep on their lawn.  I'm guessing it is their (failing) attempt to conquer geese.          

My other neighbor has an awesome garden.  All year long.  Right now, popping out through the snow and 10 degree weather, she has tulips popping up out of the ground.  No lie.  I'm partially baffled but not really because I have a black thumb.  An awesome gardener is an awesome gardener, right?  WRONG GERTIE, WRONG.  (I changed her name for my protection so no one can really find where I live by searching my next door neighbor's name privacy reasons.)  Over the summer she told me she would be away for week.  I responded as a good neighbor would do and told her I would be happy to collect her mail or water her garden for her.  She told me "No, I don't do anything to my garden."  ???  are you serious.  Well, you'd better believe when she was away I did some research of my own.  Fake flowers.  Fake.  Flowers.        

             

Rise above.    From someone who knows nothing about decorating, do something like this instead.           

Bread and Beer

Just in case you're wondering what I am doing right now (which you are or else you wouldn't have WWWed my blog) I am eating (ate) homemade baked bread and drinking a beer.  The beer is not relevant.

Mr Incredible got me a bread maker for Christmas!  I've wanted one for a while, but then would get overwhelmed with options and prices and can't I just knead my own bread?  (Which I haven't done since 7th grade with my mom)

I never really got what the point of homemade bread.  Actually, I still don't.  It's somehow gratifying for me now.  Even though I'm not really making it, a machine which is on my counter is.
So anyway, this machine that is sitting on my counter that I added ingredients to just made my first loaf of bread.  And I just ate it with a beer.  Because when you make your own bread carbs and calories just don't matter.

Which reminds me.  Why, on a pack of gum or tic tacs does it say this is "not a low calorie food"?

I was too anxious to search for my camera as I pulled this loaf out of my little machine, so here is a picture of what my bread looked like.  Sans nasty oven mits, $2 bill, old man reading glasses, leather black couch and stench of sour alcohol.

A Little Spray Paint

I did not want to spend 20, 30, 70 dollars on a new mail box, but ours was prettttty grungy lookin:

 a little metallic spray paint goes a long way, doesn't it?

at some point I might do the detail with a different color, but let's not push it, people.  That project was right up my ally.  

Give This a Whirl

Let's see if I single handedly defeated google:
 

These are the curtains I want for my dining room (of course they don't have the length I need).  I don't know what colors to paint the walls.  (We have crown moulding and a chair rail, so I'm thinking two toned.)  Mr. Incredible tells me to decorate as my heart desires.  Until he sees my curtain selection.  

These are the curtains he likes (cept he like them in blueish silver).  I can deal if I can have them in this color.  Mostly because I want a cold room- maybe gray and/or peacock blue.  But I do want something warm in the room.  


I'm a bit on edge about this whole ordeal because my Mother in Law is coming on Friday to paint the dining room.  I have to choose by Friday.  Help me you design savvy people!  Help!  Opinions on curtains, colors, decor!  helllllppp meeeeee


booya google.  i destroyed you and now i will do as i please

Thanksgiving Countdown (Cranberry Sauce)

My peeps: I'm gonna let you in a family recipe. Or at least that is what I thought until my mom told me otherwise. For as long as I can remember, we've had this stuff at Thanksgiving dinner. The aroma when you make it is nearly unbearable. You might think you died and made it to heaven. Here goes it:

Cranberry Sauce

1 Large Package of Raspberry Jello

1 large bag of cranberries (usually 12 or 16 oz), sorted

1 orange with rind, seeds removed

1 cup of sugar

1. Make Jello according to package
2. In a food processor or blender, grind the cranberries and orange with rind . Add the sugar and let dissolve.
3. When the Jello starts to congeal, incorporate cranberry mixture into the Jello.
4. Put mixed Jello into a mold (which my mom does not do) or a glass bowl because "the color is absolutely gorgeous."

Enjoy!!

Baby Wearing

thinking I'm reallllll cool in mr. incredible's coat.

With three kids three and under, I'm all about baby wearing. Like I've already said. I thought I was really cool and creative by wearing baby in my Moby Wrap, then wearing Mr. Incredible's coat or a maternity coat so I could zip up and keep both me and baby warm. Yea, really cool til I saw this on Capitol Mommy. Stay tuned. I just might give this a whirl.

Apple Picking

This is how we spent our afternoon.

Despite what this picture says, Mr. Incredible picked most of the apples while the girls and I took pictures of ourselves. They wanted dinner and I didn't want to go into labor. (We have a birthday to celebrate tomorrow!)

Stay tuned for some mean apple recipes.

Front Porch Swing

One of the things I've been obsessing about this whole summer is that swing. It stayed with the house we bought. I wasn't sure if I wanted to stain it, make cushions, order cushions, paint it (what color?). So the summer passed by with a dehydrated looking front porch. I finally decided to do something, anything to it. We had primer, we had outdoor paint. Isn't Mr. Incredible great?

Even though it looks a little boring still, I don't mind waiting to find some pretty pillows or even a throw for next year. I'm just excited it looks so much better!

Our Favorite Children's Books

An elderly lady at the bookstore came up to the girls and me and asked if her book selection for a two year old was satisfactory. I said (in a much more diplomatic way), "helllz no." She had Goodnight Moon. I know that one is supposed to be a hit, but frankly it creeps me and the girls right out. So, just in case you're looking for some books for tots, here is the best of the best. In my opinion, of course.

This one is a little bit long, but the illustrations can keep one captivated. You might want to relocate to Maine after reading it.

This is the only Olivia book we've read, but the girls are hooked and I get a kick out of it every time. I'll admit, however, that I learned to love it. It is a must-have-inflection-read. I think Eldest is going to be receiving the other Olivia books for her upcoming birthday.

We stumbled across this at the library and was a must buy. Great illustrations, and a tender story. Catch me at a hormonal moment and you might see some eye mist.

Oh, the Llama books. If you haven't read these, you're missing out. Again, they took me a bit to appreciate, and now I really don't mind reading them 4 times a day. Literally.

We will also be purchasing Llama Llama Misses Mama.

I grew up with the My Good Morning and My Good Night Books. They are short, sweet, simple, and the children in the

books look like my children. I'm not biased or anything, though.

I hate to tease you with this one because it is no longer in print. And don't go looking on Ebay for it because my mother already purchased them all. But do make sure to check your local library or garage sales! Sweet as can be.

Garrison Keillor is genius when it comes to story telling. Apparently he does a pretty good job with kids books, too.

Another favorite from growing up. Epitomizes the dreams of motherhood.

And just in case a kid (or mother) has every one of their favorite books and you're stumped for a gift idea, check this out. My sister gave this to me for my birthday; she put two illustrated pages together from Blueberries for Sal and had them mounted and framed. It's currently hanging in my kitchen (since the picture is of mother and Sal canning blueberries). Marvelous idea, huh?

You can find all of the above books (except for A Special Trade) at Amazon.