It's the weather, i'm sure

What have you been up to lately?  Wait wait, don't tell me.  I'll go read your blogs that I haven't read in 2-3 WEEKS.

I've not noticed until now that these past two to three weeks have been bad.  1) no blog.  2) no p90x (THAT might be for a different post) 3) eat. eat. eat. eat. eat. 4) minimal exercise.

These are the things I care about people.  Being fat and virtual people.  I think a screw's loose.

I have noticed, however, that I am not nice when I don't blog.  So you might be hearing from me a little more.

I have more giveaways, but somehow in some virtual way the last two (even though I LOVED doing it) completely exhausted me.  I don't know why/how.  Stay tuned.

via

I think I need a nap.

Wordless Wednesday

Thank my lucky stars for wordless wednesday.  Because we all know that I don't have much else to say this week.  I don't even really have a good picture.  Oh well.  

like mother like daughter.

oh and don't forget last day to enter!

If you don't think this is disturbing, then you're disturbed.

Couldn't they just keep her innocent for a while longer?

Shiloh says that she wants to be an actress like mummy and daddy when she grows up.  So mummy and daddy are going to put her in acting lessons.  asdl;fajs

she's three you sicko parents.

I wanted to be a zookeeper when I was three and my three year old wants to be a good reader when she grows up.

So it's high time we look at pretty (handsome?) little Shiloh and lament.  Because Shiloh's mummy wanted her to be a boy gd, shiloh why can't you do anything right?!

St. Michael protect me from the voodoo that Angelina is about to cast on me.

Wordless Wednesday circa 04

on a rainy, windy London day.  Ya know, because I go to London every now and again.

Opinions are like....uhh... Bellybuttons

I'm not one to quickly give my opinions on topics.  I usually like to take in all sides and make a well thought out, educated decision.

However, these two things bothered me from the second I saw/read them until now:

First: Eva Longoria Parker opened up a nightclub in Las Vegas called Eve.  What I (think) I read from Us Weekly is that she hires midgets to dress up as Oompa Loompas.  I just read that no, not the case.  The Oompa Loompas were just hired for the party.  Hiring midgets to paint their faces orange to go to a party as an accessory?  twisted. (I know that's not ELP but AnnaLynn McCord was there)


Second:  Understand that I know that no one hearts the Duggars.  But I read the article about them in People and a Dr SoandSo says that have that many children in is irresponsible because they cannot give the financial and emotional support that each child needs.  !  My ass.
a) the Duggars have ZERO DEBT.  more than I can say.
b  Those children will have more love and security than most.  I'm sure Dr SoandSo wanted one boy and one girl and he probably shoved them out the door to Day Care at 6 weeks so he could provide a beach house AND seasons tickets to Six Flags AND and awesome house with a house cleaner that no one ever sees because no one is ever home.

So instead of all the criticism (because everyone is jealous that the Duggars got famous by having tons of kids and they didn't... although- how DID Andy Milanakos do it?  you know, "I've got a pea on my head but don't call me a pea head."?)  (And I do realize that I just criticized Eva and the Doc) why can't we all just say, "Jim Bob Duggar, you're a sweet talkin' machine."  ??

So there.  Glad I got that off my chest.

I feel like I'm blog-cool enough to do this

I used to think that bloggers that made general apologies on their blogs were a tad bit cocky.  So big deal, I'm cocky.  I have 54 followers now, you know.  (wassup to Cara, Tracie, and Angelia my most recent 3 followers.) (what?  I like to acknowledge my readers.  don't hate.)


So remember that cold that was being passed around Incredible land?  ...
I realized I'm not invincible today.  I think I got the damn thing.  Which means the following:  I haven't read any blogs.  (Not that I'm obligated to.  I love it.  Just sayin'.  Sorry if I haven't been around your parts of the virtual world lately.)   Nor have I checked any emails.  Well, I've checked some.  But some doesn't cut it, I know.  
I barely have even checked my comments.  If I have, I don't remember them because my head feels like it's been submerged in water for the past 11 hours. 
 Lastly, if I do blog, it will probably be about my head cold, and I may even tell you the verdict about whether or not Vick's Vapor rub works on adults' feet as well.  


In summary:  This is a general apology.  I'm sorry for being the worst virtual friend ever.

If you stare at this long enough you'll get a glimpse into my head-submerged-in-water-type-feeling.

Shame on most of you

I was not impressed with lack of comments/volunteers to better my marriage. ^ That's me and I am virtually knocking your teeth out.

But in all actuality, it's okay. Because I have a guest blogger or two. But really, nwright? This is the one you won't comment on?

Last but certainly not least, your empathy comforts me that I'm not the only person who's husband refuses to read her blog, but, BUT I want guest bloggers. I want guest bloggers. I want. guest. bloggers. It will make me dandelion-floating-in-air fuzzy feeling. Right now I'm fuzzy stuck in the lint catcher in the drier.

What do I get for keeping my Binge Thursdays to a Minimum?

Food poisoning.  Moral of the story:  I should've binged.  I'm not sure how that is a moral or if this was a story.
Really?  Who doesn't binge 4 days before they start p90x?  Me.  Which is why I'll be a food and drink induced mess this weekend.  maybe.  

self control=food poisoning.  His puppet is clearly sick.

Food Hangover

  mhmmm.

It's My Control Freakish Nature at It's Peak of Testing Me.

I am the type of mother who would be able to lift up and 18 wheeler with my pinky if it was on my kids.  I would do anything for my kids, not necessarily to make them "happy," but to keep them safe, loved and confident.  I sometimes feel like a great mom.  


That being said.  I lose my shit when babies cry.  3 year old crying is fine.  A little comfort and soothing goes a long way.  22 month cries are fine too, just a little bit of "well, you can't have it now, but DEFINITELY within in the next ten years you can have it, okayyyyy?" goes a long way too.  But 3 month old wails.  I cannot do anything to make your gas go away and it makes me exponentially sad.  And my "mature" way of being sad is to get crazy.  aka I beat my chest and say "LORD PLEASE DO SOMETHING.  LORD HELP ME.  LORD HELP MY BABBBBBY."  And that is the 3 year old cue to say, "why does Lloyd need to help you?"


So, there you have it.  That's the sort of morning I'm having.  Mr Incredible def thinks I'm Mrs Unincredible when I lose my shit.  And when I say I lose it, I mean.  I. lose. it.  Asylum material.  Pacing through the house, picking up things and putting them down over and over.  Telling Mr Incredible that she is crying because he didn't empty his gym bag.

this is what I look like when I lose it.  Facial hair and all.

why. Why. WHY

Blow up lawn decorations, friends, are a CRYING SHAME.  Our neighbors have a blow up for every occasion.  This is serious.  Especially since we are on just this side of town borders.  Right now they have a New Year Baby.  Before that was Santa, before that was Turkey, before that was Skulls, before that was Birthday cake.  They also have a life size stuffed dog that they keep on their lawn.  I'm guessing it is their (failing) attempt to conquer geese.          

My other neighbor has an awesome garden.  All year long.  Right now, popping out through the snow and 10 degree weather, she has tulips popping up out of the ground.  No lie.  I'm partially baffled but not really because I have a black thumb.  An awesome gardener is an awesome gardener, right?  WRONG GERTIE, WRONG.  (I changed her name for my protection so no one can really find where I live by searching my next door neighbor's name privacy reasons.)  Over the summer she told me she would be away for week.  I responded as a good neighbor would do and told her I would be happy to collect her mail or water her garden for her.  She told me "No, I don't do anything to my garden."  ???  are you serious.  Well, you'd better believe when she was away I did some research of my own.  Fake flowers.  Fake.  Flowers.        

             

Rise above.    From someone who knows nothing about decorating, do something like this instead.           

If Shutterfly was Eyeliner I Might Print You Pictures

Just in case you're wondering where I am, did I die, do her posts reflect an unstable nature, know that I'm virtually here, I am alive, and post holidays make me unstable yes they do.  So let's talk about that:

Target's exchange policy says
<---- this, precisely.  I need to exchange my 8x10 frames for 5x7, Target.  No I don't have a receipt, no I do not know where my driver's license is, here is my passport, no that doesn't work?  Head hung low.

I will try my best to print pictures for everyone who has requested them.  In the mean time, assume that my child is beautiful.  I realize that she is nearly 3 months.


I have not done normal household chores in about a week, until today.  Mr Incredible thought it would be best not to tell cyberspace that my kitchen sink stinks of rotten eggs.

Through mind reading, I can tell that people think I am a snobby matriarch.  I'm sure my tendency towards a) a control freakish nature and b) pearls supports this terrible accusation.  


My spending inclinations are on a downward spiral.  This is concerning.  I am becoming of victim of free shipping.  I am the clay pigeon of buy one get one with beverage purchase auntie annes.  I am not getting a snack half price.   I'm getting doubly fat.  This I know.  


Let's wrap this up, shall we?  The following are features of schizophrenia:  emotional blunting  (I just don't care)  Intellectual deterioration (thesaurus.com, dictionary.com)  Social isolation (I blog.  It's a slippery slope.)  Disorganized speech and behavior (for another day I'll tell you about my social inappropriateness.)  Delusions (there are no calories when I eat my kids leftovers because it was theirs)  Hallucinations (I see yellow spots on everything.)

Commitment Issues

I have commitment issues with my clothes.  I do not like to cut off tags.  I'm not that person who returns them after I wash and wear.  Why?  Why?  Why?


unfortunately, my "natural" pose turned out to look like me sticking out my gut.  noteworthy: I made mr incredible take a picture with my tag out for this blog post.  and then blamed him for me looking unnatural.  really.