Wednesday, January 27, 2010

If All These Women Can't Convince Mr Incredible, Surely a Man Can

Ladies and gents, Welcome to Incredible Week! This week will be solely, SOLELY dedicated to all things Incredible. Mr Incredible, that is. There will be a series of guest bloggers until Mr. Incredible reads slash followsfor the week, blogging about all of his favorite things.  Goal: Some attention.

I'd like to introduce to all of you today.... drumrolll... Travis!  From I Like to Fish!  Not only is he an excellent story teller, he is a... drumroll again... MAN.  And he thinks soccer's a joke.  Perfect. Perfect.  

So go follow this guy.  Awesome?  Always.  Funny?  Always.  Offensive?  Maybe.  

My Feelings On Soccer. (Oh, And READ YOUR WIFE’S BLOG!) 

“Soccer was invented by European women to keep themselves busy while their husbands did the housework.” –Hank Hill

Never has a more true line been uttered on fictional TV.

I hate soccer. ESPN has been playing commercials for the FIFA World Cup, and I want to shoot myself every time I see one. 

I don’t really get into all sports like a true “mans man.” I like football okay sometimes, (if Dallas wins) I’m okay with baseball (Yank’s fan) and I’ve been to a hockey game once, because, let’s face it, hockey is soccer on ice. BUT. They let you beat the dog shiz from each other, so that’s cool.  

However, I’m a die-hard basketball fan, especially college and high school. I don’t watch the NBA much, because, let’s face it, I’ve seen video games more realistic, and whose characters have as much, if not more depth. 

But I HATE soccer. 

“Hey guys. I’m going to kick this ball around and try to get it in between those goalposts…HEY! HE TOUCHED ME! HE TOUCHED ME, THAT’S NOT FAIR!”

See what I mean?

And for those of you who say, “Well, basketball is a non-contact sport.” I dare you to watch a rivalry game. Sometimes I half expect a special teams unit to come out onto the court, that’s how rough it gets. 

However, I really think that soccer is like the number 1 all-time favorite world sport. Why? I think it’s because over in other countries, it’s counted a skill if you can kick a ball good. Over here, we call it kick ball, and if you’re good at it, you’ll get all the benefits of being picked first for every game until the end of 6th grade, or until you hit puberty and get all awkward. Then you’re out. 

Do you remember being good at kick ball though? I do. I was amazing. I couldn’t kick good, but I could play defense like no ones business. I could catch ANYHING. I carried that talent into junior high, where I was feared on defense in pick up football games and in wall ball, which is a sport, if you are not familiar, wherein one throws a racquetball at a brick wall, and then a group of people tries to catch it, and if it touches you, you have to touch the wall before being pegged with that little ball. 

That crap HURT, y’all. 

This has kind of sloughed off into a tangent of sorts, and I’m sorry about that. My original point is that soccer, no matter how popular, is not interesting to watch, much less play. 

If you disagree…

…maybe you need to move to England? 

Oh yeah, and Hubby? (not my hubby, but the hubby that is needing to read his wife’s blog more, and I said not my hubby, but I don’t have a hubby, not at all. I want to type that again. I DON’T HAVE A HUSBAND, I LIKE GIRLS.) 

But yeah. Read her blog. I’ve been on it now, and I read it, and I’ll be honest with you. She talks about you sometimes on here. Like, bad stuff. I’m pretty sure she even said you can’t read good, which is why you like MY blog, which seems as if it’s been written by a 5 year old on speed.

Don’t worry man, I defended you. And me. Because it’s not speed. It’s meth. Speed is too expensive in these parts, and meth can be made out of brake fluid and Drain-O.

Geez. Is giving the recipe for meth on a guest blog classy? I don’t think it’s classy. 

I’m going to stop now, on account of I don’t want y’all to have to testify at the eventual trial.   


  1. I really don't think it was classy.

    Thanks for letting me touch your...!

    Yeah... Hubs got jealous there, huh?

  2. I don't think most sports are fun to watch. I would rather be doing.

    I hope you get your way. My hubs used to read my blog to find out what I was thinking. Now he says he's too busy.

  3. Ha! The whole world might disagree with ya, Travis! :P My husband is a hardcore sports fan. Any sport on TV, he watches it...well, maybe except for cricket or rugby...those are weird.

    But he watches the Olympics and the World Cup and I think that's hot!

    And yes, it is the most popular sport, except most people in America don't care for it--which is fine...just so you know, USA (who is considered an underdog in soccer) made it to the World Cup over some top countries! ;)

    Great Post!

  4. Eh. I hate soccer too. But I also dislike football and basketball. But I do like some of those cute little hispanic boys that play soccer. And Kickball? The only sport I was ever any good at. I miss those days...

  5. Wall ball was the shit! I firmly believe it was created in Oklahoma.

    The first couple times I played, the boys took it easy on me. Until I pegged a couple of them in the test-ick-lees. Then, they went after blood. Good times.

  6. Lookit chew, classin' up the place 'n all with yore own ress-ih-pee *snicker - pee!* for redneck speed! Ya got 'Future Darwin Award Winner' written all over that fine couch poe-tay-toe body o' yores, too, TravyTrav! I shore am prouda yew.

    *wipes tear from eye*

    Anyshiz, as for your accusation that soccer isn't interesting to watch, I've got one word for you: Pele.

    'Nuff said.

  7. Soccer is the lamest sport ever. EVER. I couldn't agree more. Though I am not a big basketball fan, either.

  8. I used to be a big fan of the NBA...until they all started acting like spoiled babies and/or thugs. Now I can't be bothered. I'm with you...I like college basketball.

    And hockey is soccer on ice...that's a great analogy!

    Great guest blog...even with the meth recipe.

  9. I do not like basketball only because the sound of sneakers on a wooden floor drives me into a murderous rage. And I consider soccer about as entertaining to watch as a tennis match.

    But yeah, wall ball was the shiz! Thanks for the meth recipe!

  10. dammit travis!
    Which is it?
    6th grade or puberty ?!

    I prefer an age
    Some of us (not mentioning names) got left back 3 or 4 times
    That makes for a bearded 7th grader

    and travis? you are one classy dude.
    thanks for the recipe
    you should have your own channel on the food network or something

  11. I have to like soccer. My hubs played it in HS and he'd KILL me if I said I didn't like it.

    I prefer baseball. Especially the MN Twins. Especially Joe Mauer. Mm....

  12. Good stuff Trav.

    The BEST part was when you said, "I’m going to stop now"

  13. Brake fluid & Drano....
    Never would have thought of it!

    Thank goodness I was never a soccer Mom. I was a hockey Mom and now I am a Band Geek Mom.

  14. Soccer is retarded. My husband hates it too. They get barely tapped and they fall to the ground and have to be lifted off with a stretcher. Give me a break. I would love to see a good ol fashioned street brawl between football players and soccer players. 2 words. Blood bath.