I'd like to introduce to all of you today.... drumrolll... Travis! From I Like to Fish! Not only is he an excellent story teller, he is a... drumroll again... MAN. And he thinks soccer's a joke. Perfect. Perfect.
So go follow this guy. Awesome? Always. Funny? Always. Offensive? Maybe.
My Feelings On Soccer. (Oh, And READ YOUR WIFE’S BLOG!)
“Soccer was invented by European women to keep themselves busy while their husbands did the housework.” –Hank Hill
Never has a more true line been uttered on fictional TV.
I hate soccer. ESPN has been playing commercials for the FIFA World Cup, and I want to shoot myself every time I see one.
I don’t really get into all sports like a true “mans man.” I like football okay sometimes, (if Dallas wins) I’m okay with baseball (Yank’s fan) and I’ve been to a hockey game once, because, let’s face it, hockey is soccer on ice. BUT. They let you beat the dog shiz from each other, so that’s cool.
However, I’m a die-hard basketball fan, especially college and high school. I don’t watch the NBA much, because, let’s face it, I’ve seen video games more realistic, and whose characters have as much, if not more depth.
But I HATE soccer.
“Hey guys. I’m going to kick this ball around and try to get it in between those goalposts…HEY! HE TOUCHED ME! HE TOUCHED ME, THAT’S NOT FAIR!”
See what I mean?
And for those of you who say, “Well, basketball is a non-contact sport.” I dare you to watch a rivalry game. Sometimes I half expect a special teams unit to come out onto the court, that’s how rough it gets.
However, I really think that soccer is like the number 1 all-time favorite world sport. Why? I think it’s because over in other countries, it’s counted a skill if you can kick a ball good. Over here, we call it kick ball, and if you’re good at it, you’ll get all the benefits of being picked first for every game until the end of 6th grade, or until you hit puberty and get all awkward. Then you’re out.
Do you remember being good at kick ball though? I do. I was amazing. I couldn’t kick good, but I could play defense like no ones business. I could catch ANYHING. I carried that talent into junior high, where I was feared on defense in pick up football games and in wall ball, which is a sport, if you are not familiar, wherein one throws a racquetball at a brick wall, and then a group of people tries to catch it, and if it touches you, you have to touch the wall before being pegged with that little ball.
That crap HURT, y’all.
This has kind of sloughed off into a tangent of sorts, and I’m sorry about that. My original point is that soccer, no matter how popular, is not interesting to watch, much less play.
If you disagree…
…maybe you need to move to England?
Oh yeah, and Hubby? (not my hubby, but the hubby that is needing to read his wife’s blog more, and I said not my hubby, but I don’t have a hubby, not at all. I want to type that again. I DON’T HAVE A HUSBAND, I LIKE GIRLS.)
But yeah. Read her blog. I’ve been on it now, and I read it, and I’ll be honest with you. She talks about you sometimes on here. Like, bad stuff. I’m pretty sure she even said you can’t read good, which is why you like MY blog, which seems as if it’s been written by a 5 year old on speed.
Don’t worry man, I defended you. And me. Because it’s not speed. It’s meth. Speed is too expensive in these parts, and meth can be made out of brake fluid and Drain-O.
Geez. Is giving the recipe for meth on a guest blog classy? I don’t think it’s classy.
I’m going to stop now, on account of I don’t want y’all to have to testify at the eventual trial.